Refer to (35) Eclipse 집필 of the History of O Chansol for more information.
Temporary note: Eclipse was written to implicitly criticize my high school, based on my personal experiences during my first two months there. Instead, I hope I will be recognized as the author of a book about myself, or at least what represents me, but not KSA that I don't even have an attachment to. Actually, I am currently writing One Certain Spring, which is entirely about myself. So, just consider Eclipse as an anecdote, not my work as a writer. I hope you enjoy it.
Eclipse
I looked down the outside to refresh myself. In the schoolyard my teammates were surrounding their seniors, having fun together. Some seniors sang or played their guitar, and the rest took pictures and videos of them. I felt a bit alienated, but didn't care too much. All they were singing and shooting had to be staged.
It was when I did the group project with you, where I wrote the script for the presentation. Other teammates had suggested using ChatGPT to complete early, but I had stubbornly refused. Although I acted calmly, I was running out of time.
As I had been deprived of my sleep time, I felt like my memories kept evaporating. I also repeatedly made mistakes which I tended not to. The most common was losing materials for classes. Of course I thought it was my fault, so I obsessively checked where I put them every time. Such mistakes made it hard to focus on what I was doing. Seoulless, I finished homework much later than others and fell into a downward spiral.
Fortunately, I was able to hand the script to our teammate making PPT just in time. Although she's turned into a monster after staying up all night, the outcome was pretty satisfying. "You are our heroine," you exclaimed.
There were lots of occasions in KSA requiring design ability, wasn't there? During the club application period, everybody was busy making attractive drawings on their papers, as if their destiny depended on their pictures. I portrayed popular idols, but unfortunately, I was terrible at drawing people. So, following your advice, I tried to focus on my real story.
After submitting my applications, I waited for interviews. Since I had plenty of time, I planned to get up early and read through my application the next day.
* * *
When I checked the time, the interview had already finished. I had set the alarm, but I didn't hear it at all. Has someone intentionally turned it off? Has someone broken into my room?
At first I considered it absurd and tried to forget about it. However, the SINNER didn't stop bullying. Once I got up, a chatting app was open on my smartphone. There were lots of conversations I have never had before. For example, I found the following conversation with my manito:
"How has your KSA life been?"
"It feels like living on an animal farm."
"What does that mean?"
"Everything is too primitive and restrictive."
"You will get used to it. In my case, my friends have helped me a lot adjusting to the school. How about you? Have you made some friends?"
"I guess I have many, considering the disadvantages I have. You know, who would want to be a friend of a year younger student who always studied alone?"
"Wait, were you born in '09?"
"Yes, the year of the ox."...
What the SINNER has done to me was vicious, but I didn't want to accuse him. His curiosity, transparency and anxiety made me sympathize with him. So I just left a message offering to meet once. Anticipating his honest confession and kind apology, I returned to my bed...
When I got up and checked my smartphone, my mind blew up. He's sent the application for the Student Committee! I didn't want to have any more interviews, but my name was on its waiting list!
Also, he has left the message going 'Come to your interview site. I'll see you before your interview.' Hurriedly, I wore my uniform and went uphill. On the way I saw two students with contrasting heights, walking while keeping distance. They were also wearing uniforms, so I blindly followed them.
The spacious building was filled with coldness instead of people. "Where are you at?" The voice resonated, but all I got after all was one senior's cold stare that made me freeze. I sat down near the grandfather clock and waited vacantly. Its consistent ticking barely kept my heartbeat moderate. 'Will he arrive before the interview?'
* * *
I got up in my bed, habitually kicking my blanket. It was my first time waking in a different place. What happened while I was sleeping? Did SINNER find and carry me?
I checked the post announcing the result and found the depositions of all applicants. Of course there couldn't be mine, but actually there was! The content was even more disturbing. It was all about showing off myself and cursing the school, which would definitely mess up my reputation.
The SINNER was certainly responsible for this incident. But the point was, the recorded thick voice interrupted by coughs strangely resembled mine. So I judged that the sinner who bullied me was my doppelganger.
Ever since, I have been obsessed with attempts at elimination. Since we were connected, I supposed that hurting myself would make him painful too. But to be unseen and sustainable, the process should leave no trace. While thinking about this, I was reminded of the news about one student who passed out after overdosing his pills...
A week passed after I started overdosing pills. Incredibly, my plan seemed to have worked perfectly! I didn't fall asleep in the wrong places and there was no strange conversation.
However, there were some serious side effects too. While working, the contrast of black and white in documents nauseated me. Although I never skipped a meal and ate snacks regularly, I couldn't escape from hunger too. Besides, I always felt so hot as if I was wearing fur.
When I finally failed in enduring enormous heat, I was desperate to cool myself. Then I saw heavy rain pouring down outside the window. Without bringing an umbrella, I dashed out of the dormitory.
Where buildings didn't cover was too different from the indoor. Diamond-like raindrops split my skin and brought chills. They had already soaked the wood and the ground was covered by fallen petals. Cherry blossoms without beautiful flowers have lost their potential and remained lifeless. Leaving them behind, I continued climbing uphill away from the water surface. Since the ground was slippery, I tried hard to keep my feet on it.
But the problem occurred. I saw the moon in the sky gradually taking away the sun. Since the moon only reflected what it was facing, my obscured vision faded to absolute darkness. It was an eclipse. Suppressing my lunacy, I prayed to return to where I came from. Running away from the rising water, I entered the tallest building nearby.
There I saw the grandfather clock, whose pendulum was oscillating left, right... But all of a sudden it reached the right top twice. 'What just happened?' Then it swung again as if nothing happened. Since I had no time, I hurriedly ran toward the fading sun.
Luckily I found the way out. It seemed like the steep slope I climbed before bravely entering the new world, induced by the students smiling in their uniforms. As I stepped forward, I couldn't feel the raindrops anymore.
* * *
I got up, although I didn't fall asleep this time. Staring at me, my AA teacher was sitting next to my bed.
"Oh, have you come around Chansol," he asked.
"Yes. What has happened to me?"
"You have fallen straight from the eighth floor. Luckily, tree branches slowed you down and you could survive, although your skin has become lumpy. It was a miracle."
"Wow, you must have been worrying a lot."
"Yes, indeed. Why were you there that night?"
That simple question was too difficult to answer. Why did I go outside on that day? I was sick after intentionally overdosing my pills. Then why did I overdose them? I wanted to devastate my doppelganger. But why did I want that?
When I thought about it, besides some basic facts, I realized that I didn't know anything about him. I've never met him in reality nor learned why he was doing all this. Only based on my stereotypes and suppositions, I have fantasized about him and turned him into a monster. The more I became afraid of him, the more I tried to avoid him. In the end, we never had any chance to understand each other. Since that made both of us suffer, I determined to resolve our old misconceptions...
When I finally returned to my school, there were several noticeable differences. Seeing some students stare at me admiringly, the school must have spread some nice fake news about the reason behind my absence. But the biggest change was that my doppelganger did not interact with me anymore, although I stopped overdosing the pills. Consequently, I couldn't ask him about the events that broke out in the last two months.
I could have asked other students, but I didn't bother. They would surely treat it as nonsense, like you may have done. Also, I have learned that people are indifferent to stranger's personal concerns. So I just waited a year until everything vanished from my memory.
And at the end, nobody knew that it really happened.